Sometimes it’s really hard to immediately smell who has what intentions and what their energy is. I ask all of you who are very perceptive and instantly figure out various vampires, energy suckers and perverts not to judge me for being naive :). So, distrust, caution, suspicion, distance, withdrawal, mystification, playing hard to get (in any sense) – all these are not my traits. I’m not a wax hardtugetus on a pedestal. I am one of those who laugh a lot, passionately hug others, talk a lot, help a lot and – to cut a long story short – they open up easily and give …
I really like people. Maybe too much. And I easily open the door of my life (and heart, which is much more dangerous) to almost anyone I think has approached me with good intentions and seemingly positive energy. And sometimes it’s really hard to immediately smell who has what intentions and whose energy is (please all of you who are very perceptive and instantly figure out various vampires, energy suckers and perverts not to judge me for naivety :). So, distrust, caution, suspicion, distance, withdrawal, mystification, playing hard to get (in any sense) – all these are not my traits. I’m not a wax hardton a pedestal. I am one of those who laugh a lot, hug others passionately, talk a lot, help a lot and – to cut a long story short – give easily, in friendship and love. Maybe too easy. I’ve never been the type of ice queen to judge highly who should and could (long and hard) climb the slippery ice to her throne. And I thought it was great to be so cute, honest, warm and communicative until, especially lately, the reality of life didn’t slap me well. Therefore, if you know of any school “how to become an icy turbo-hard-to-get queen: a master’s degree in caution in friendships and loves”, please let me know. Maybe evening school for those of us in our fat 30s.
Ah, what should I do when blood is not water – my dad is Russian and my mom is Dalmatian. After three vodkas, the Russian is a brother with the whole bar and beyond, and the Dalmatian makes many, loud and temperamental acquaintances / friendships with everyone around her – from her aunt on the plot, through all the ladies in the park with whom she walks the dog, to the unknown woman she meets. at the doctor’s in the waiting room. So I was brought up (and on the one hand grateful for it), not only to be polite, friendly and cordial towards others, but also to be maximally open and to try to see in people only the good (until it turns out the opposite). Okay, when I was little, I was taught not to talk to complete strangers on the street, but obviously I didn’t, when I grew up, know how to translate to a higher level. 🙂
I always thought that being open to people and finding only the good in others is a great trait. Everyone is great until the opposite is shown – that is my attitude, unlike many people around me, who live wisely on a completely opposite principle – they are all pizza until it turns out they are okay. And so I let people into my life, I give my energy, time, I solve other people’s problems, I serve as a shoulder to cry on, I serve as a shortening of time with long phone conversations, I enjoy the role of a friend / mother / sister / nun / nurse … I enjoy takes on the role of an emotional nurse who selflessly gives her positive around like Pater Pan’s Bell Magic Powder … And then … Then people fill up, get refreshed, they don’t need to hang out anymore, they withdraw from my life (sometimes without a word) ), as if they never even existed. And I stay with a big question mark over my head. Sometimes with emptiness and sadness, depending on how important, big and intense that relationship was to me at the time.
In this whole story, this digital terrain of social networks is very slippery – Facebook and other communication channels that give us the illusion that we are much closer to a person than we really are. People emerge from childhood and ancient times that we feel we know, that they are close, familiar and dear to us, and in fact we have no idea who they are and what they have become and what kind of people life has turned them into. They initiate communication, present a certain story, wrap themselves in cool cellophane, and we (people like me) then smoke them like wonderful old / new friends, so special, so precious, so valuable and so unrepentant … They stay in our lives for a while , while they need it or have fun, and then they disappear, just when we fell in love with them.
I have been gaining and losing lately in this way a few people, people who have become extremely important to me in life and whose departure – without a word – has completely broken me. Some of you will say – the problem is in them; others will say (rightly) – the problem is in you – you are naive and not careful enough. The truth is probably a combination of both arguments because – after all – people take advantage of us and hurt us to the extent that we allow ourselves, right?
I’m not sure I’ve learned anything from my own mistakes in this sphere of relationships with others. I’ll probably continue to let people into my life, inhale with full lungs every emotion and every relationship, and then, if I’m disappointed again, take comfort that it was another lesson I guess I needed to learn – I don’t know what exactly – probably something big and important that I will understand only with a step back. Maybe because of all these experiences I’m richer inside, maybe I’m not, and maybe they’re in the woods … 🙂 Sometimes I think I’m really silly, naive and careless, and sometimes I think I’m blessed because I just live by Rumi’s principle – “You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens some more “ . What do you think about that?